Introverts guide to Neck & Nominate


So we’ve had “planking”, we’ve had “smack cam”, we’ve had the “Harlem Shake” and now in this months issue of what stupid things teenagers and students do we have Neck & Nominate. Facebook users (and by saying that i mean every human) can not avoid the latest viral sensation.  

Viral videos are just like a zombie virus everyone is affected by it and slowly people start doing strange things like downing mysterious liquids that contain beer and vinegar or even lay in the middle of the road.  The cause for these videos is simple, everyone wants to be the star.  We all want to be the star, we want to go the furthest then anyone and we want to be known.  For Neck and Nominates case its how far can you go before you kill yourself or in other cases how much of a disappointment can you become to your parents.  So here’s the basic set up for this latest craze.  First you are nominated by a “nob head friend”. In this instance its literally anyone who has nominated you to do this pint, why are they called the “nob head friend”?  Because they couldn’t deal with the embarrassment on their own and they want to drag other people to their level.  When receiving a nomination via Facebook you are given 24 hours to do a video response.  This is peer-pressure in its simplistic format.  Others want you to do something stupid and then you do it.

Here’s how you can become a national fuck head star. You must chose what you do in this video.  Now this is where the action happens.  So many questions must be answered.  What do you drink? Where do you drink?  How do you drink? Who do you nominate?  To answer the first question we must first ask ourself, what length can someone go to seem most repulsive in the minds of right thinking people?  Here’s a hint. Pretty fucking far.  Yes from drinking out of toilets, to drinking out of socks people will do stupid shit to get noticed.  But that’s what you drink out of, what’s the contents of a pint?  Well its anything you can find around the house, toilet cleaner, gone off milk, eggs, vodka you name it.  If its edible its drinkable.  I just don’t understand how this is a thing.  Why would you do this to yourself? If some friend told you to drink a mixture of vinegar, tuna and vodka most people wouldn’t do it but somehow because its a craze and everyone does it, people would down that shit like it was bloody Ribena. As a society we’ve developed clean water from mountains yet people will drink shit for fun.  I really hope this doesn’t hit water deprived places in Africa, they’re gonna think we’re right cunts.

Much has been publicised about where people do their neck and nominate.  Most of the time its in a student kitchen however the most daring and the biggest fuck heads go out into the wild.  Some take part in the street where they strip down naked making their Mothers proud and others do stupid shit like jump in lakes or do it in a public place.  Now i know people have died because they have chosen a really stupid place to do this and it is tragic.  But if you’re that idiotic to go into a freezing river and try and down a pint then i think you are basically mooning the Grim Reaper.

Once they have successfully lost all respect to themselves then they must try and pass on the baton.  Victims are tagged in the video that is most likely posted onto Facebook and are given 24 hour to make their own disgrace of themselves.   Then its all done and everyone gets on with their dead end lives and humanity continues to slug along.

The craze is just one in a number of dumb ass crazes you can expect from the social media world.  As long as Social Networking is a thing people will do stupid stuff to get noticed.  We’re just all Big Brother contestants wanting to get noticed and win the big prize of of getting attention.  Popularity is the cause of this senseless phase and expect it to get bigger and more reckless.


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